A new beginning

It's been forever since my last update, and so much has happened.

At the start of May, Anna and I agreed to separate. Our relationship had been dysfunctional for a long time and if it hadn't been for the kids it probably would have happened much sooner. Things are amicable between us, we still want to remain friends (we still like each other and want to be good role models for the kids). Telling the kids was the hardest thing we've had to do, Kitty in particular did not take it well, but the three of them have been pretty resilient and seem to be doing well now.

I moved out at the start of June - luckily, the flat I'm renting is just down the road from the old house, so I can see the kids most days, still take them to school, etc. I've almost got everything packed and moved and unpacked. It felt like I had so much stuff to move over but compared to the amount of other stuff in the house it was tiny 😆

Physically I have recovered from the breathless issues that were plaguing me at the start of the year, I've been able to start exercising properly again and have been for a few bike rides recently. Mentally I'm in a far better place now, I'm looking forward to coming off the tablets and I've finished seeing my therapist. I've realised that there are positive things about me and that I have good people around who care about me. I've made friends and my self-confidence has improved. I've made more of an effort to see people and feel so much better for it.

I'm enjoying having control again, especially over my living space - it's tidy! The kids have not brought a great deal of stuff over yet but they're well aware that they have to keep things tidy. I think they're mostly used to living in two places now, and that we're still a family even though we don't live together - for example, Anna and the kids came to mine last night to watch the final, and we still meet up to watch various Marvel things.

In the middle of June I went up to Scotland with some friends to climb Ben Nevis. Having never climbed a mountain before and with the aforementioned fitness issues, I was quite worried about it, but it turned out that I found getting up the mountain was pretty easy. Unfortunately one of our group hurt their knee and had to turn around about a third of the way up, he was adamant that he could get back on his own so the rest of us continued. The scenery was amazing, it's so pretty up there. We were lucky that the clouds cleared just as we got to the top.

Getting down the mountain was an entirely different story. Five minutes after starting the descent I felt my right IT band getting sore, and I knew from then on that the rest of the way down was going to be difficult. My left IT band followed suit about halfway down. I was fine on flat ground or going up, but obviously on the way down there wasn't much of this! I didn't really feel tired, so my general fitness must have been OK, but I've had IT band issues before. I think I'll start looking for a physio at some point, because my right calf has been playing up forever as well. The right calf at least held up until pretty close to the bottom of the mountain. I'm so glad I bought walking poles! Having fully recovered now we're all looking forward to our next expedition, which might possibly be Scafell Pike.

All the children have had excellent school reports. Nicky seems to be thriving at the grammar school, and the next thing to focus on is helping Kitty pass the 11+ - in normal times I think she wouldn't have needed any help, but the school have not been able to help as they did with Nicky due to Covid.

All is clearly not right with the world, but on a personal level I'm feeling reasonably content for the first time in a long time.