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Showing posts from March, 2011

In your head, in your head

It goes without saying these days that I didn't sleep very well last night. I think Nicky is teething as he was up several times in the night, which in turn woke up Kitty. In a bit of a daze today.

Caught up with my brother yesterday for lunch, he's doing OK but is stressed about work, they're not treating him very well despite his manager having experienced something similar before. The manager of the restaurant, who we've both known since childhood, came over to ask how things were going with the baby. My brother took it quite well, the manager looked horrified when told what had happened but he wasn't to know!

Squash last night was pretty bad, I lost 2-0 to both Will and James (James has never beaten me to nil before!) yet somehow I beat Pete 2-0. On top of that the temporary cover on my tooth came off - called the dentist this morning and they reckon it'll be OK to leave it until the crown is put on next week.

I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink

I think we're reaching new levels of tiredness now. Last night featured both children not sleeping for one reason or another, and it's getting harder and harder to cope with. I know it will get easier as time passes which is about all that's keeping me going for now!

The service for my newphew will be next Wednesday (6th April). I've not really been able to grieve properly but I'm sure I will on the day. My brother and his girlfriend seem to be coping as well as can be expected, I saw them both briefly on Sunday.

I watched the F1 on Sunday morning. I hadn't planned on it, but Kitty decided that we should wake up at 6am (5am GMT), which meant I could also watch the rest of Iron Man that I'd recorded ages ago. The race itself wasn't that great but there are plenty of things to keep me interested for the rest of the season. Coutlhard and Brundle is much better than Legard and Brundle were, and it's nice to see it in HD now.

Drowsy

I've had a cold for the last few days, coupled with not sleeping well means I'm not feeling great! I probably shouldn't have gone to squash last night but I just about managed all my games, won half of them which isn't too bad considering.
Finding it difficult to keep track of days or indeed anything at the moment...

Zzzz

Two sleepless nights mean I'm flagging today. On top of that I also had yet another trip to the dentist to do prep for a crown - but the temporary cover that was put on fell off after three hours so got to go back tomorrow to have another one done.

Jack

Jack was delivered at 5.26 this morning after a twelve hour labour. Apparently my brother and his girlfriend are doing as well as can be expected.

Very sad

Today is going to be one of the saddest days of my life.

On Monday, my brother and his girlfriend went for the 20 week scan for their baby. Unfortunately, it was discovered that the baby had very severe spina bifida - the most severe that the counsellor had seen in 8 years doing the job. The baby (a boy, to be called Jack) would have been disabled from the torso down, incontinent, and almost certainly have suffered neurological impairment. He would have also needed a shunt to drain fluid from the brain. From birth he would have required operation after operation and would have endured a great deal of suffering.

After seeing a consultant at Kings and seeing a counsellor they have decided not to continue with the pregnancy. The baby's heart was stopped on Wednesday, and today I'm going to take them to the hospital for my brother's girlfriend to be induced.

I feel terrible, but my sadness must be miniscule compared to what my brother and his girlfriend are going through. To a…

Despair

There's very little that is worse than knowing something terrible has happened but you can't do anything about it. I'm feeling it right now, I'm not going to write about what it is yet because nothing has been decided yet but I feel really sad about it.

Things also seem really bad in Japan too - the word 'hero' is used far too frequently these days, but the 50 people trying to keep that nuclear power plant under control knowing that they're going to get sick, they really are heroes.

Speaking of Japan, I made a small donation to the Red Cross relief fund, only for Natwest to call me suspecting fraud on my card - I'm happy for them to be tracking things and would much rather have a false alert than lose money, but it seems a bit strange that a small payment to the Red Cross would be flagged (they confirmed that this was the suspicious transaction). If I were going to defraud someone's credit card I'd probably be using much larger amounts!

Perspective

I was going to write yet another blog entry about not sleeping, but I had some news this morning which makes that seem extremely trivial. I don't want to write anything about it yet, but it's made me very worried indeed.

Japan

It seems like every day recently that when I wake up (usually far earlier than I'd like to!) there is news of some disaster being reported. Sadly, today is Japan's turn. They only had one or two clips showing on BBC News this morning but they showed cars and whole buildings being swept away by the tsunami. It all looks really bad there :-(

Compared to that, complaining about being woken up in the night and having to deal with multiple pooey nappies seems trivial. But that is what life amounts to at the moment for us!

Not too bad

I played squash last night for the first time since Kitty was born, and despite thinking I'd be out of practice I started really well, winning my first 4 games (beating Will twice!) before losing to my brother and James (first time he's beaten me since October!) I think I was suffering with tiredness in those last two games, but I then somehow won the play-off against Will (13-11 after being 7-2 down) to win overall.

Sleep was a bit average last night, but don't feel too bad today. Went to get my haircut. I seem to have a strange fear of hairdressers, I was more worried about getting my hair cut than I was about getting my root canal sorted yesterday! Daft really.

Another bad night

Had another restless night - not the best preparation for my return to playing squash tonight! I also had the last part of my root canal done - for some reason the pain I had has gone and the tooth feels OK. Despite not having any anaesthetic today the pain was minimal so hopefully all the nerves have been removed. Feeling hungry though and have to wait another hour before eating...

Better night

Last night was relatively much better - we had an earlyish night (about 10 o'clock) and although Nicky woke up a couple of times I got much more sleep than the night before. I did spend two hours asleep next to Nicky's bed as I was too tired to go back to bed after settling him!

I realise that I've become one of those boring people who can only talk about their children and nothing else. The trouble is that having kids almost forces you into isolation, especially when none of your friends have had kids yet. I'm looking forward to my brother's baby being born in July because then we'll have someone else who understands what we're going through.

Kitty was weighed yesterday by the health visitor, she's now up to 3.42kg or 7lb 8½oz. She did lose a little just after birth but has started putting it on again. After all the stress before the birth, Kitty's birth weight was between the 25th and 50th centiles and even now is above the 25th centile.

Remembering...

Suddenly, the memories of the tiredness, the lack of sleep, the crying and nappies have come flooding back. To be fair though, Kitty has overall been much more placid than Nicky was/is, but we've had a couple of bad nights, and last night I think was the worst so far. I think I had about three hours sleep last night.

On top of the lack of sleep, my tooth is really hurting now - apparently all the nerves in this tooth are supposed to have been cleared, ready for filling on Wednesday - but yesterday morning it really started aching, and I'm worried that the root canal treatment is going to have failed and they will have to remove the tooth. I'll have to see how it goes on Wednesday but I'm not hopeful.

On the plus side, great result for us yesterday, we comprehensively beat the Scum who were hardly involved in the game at all, should have been a couple of red cards but we played really well and showed lots of promise for the rest of the season and next year...

So much for that...

After two nights of reasonable sleep, last night was a bit of a setback. Kitty is still a bit nocturnal, and Nicky was a bit unsettled, coming into our room in the middle of the night when I had to resettle him. It's only really hit home in the last few days that Nicky isn't a baby any more, after comparing him with Kitty. He's a proper little boy now, and lots of fun to interact with. This evening he's had me dancing around the living room to Getting Jiggy Wit' It, wearing us both out! He's really enjoying Let's Dance for Comic Relief, and dances along with most of the acts - he also really liked Ade Edmonson too.Nothing much planned for tomorrow, just hope we get a result against the Scum, they don't have Webb refereeing for them so might be a bit more even!

Friday!

Can't think of an interesting post title, but I am certainly very glad it's Friday!

I had a decent night of sleep again last night, but strangely I actually feel a bit more tired having recovered some sleep. Hope we get the same again tonight...

I can't believe I've only just got around to watching Red Letter Media's review of Phantom Menace. I think I'd been previously put off by the 70 minute running time, but it is definitely worth watching - it's both very funny and insightful into the many things wrong with Phantom Menace.


This is part 1 - the other six parts are also on YouTube. There are similar reviews for Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith which I look forward to viewing at a later date!

Sleep!

As I suspected, I've got to go back to the dentist next week to have my root canal finished off, but all of the nerves have been removed now so it shouldn't hurt any more, the tooth just needs to be filled in. I actually had what amounts to a decent nights sleep last night! I don't feel quite so zombified this morning.Not much else going on at the moment. Kitty is opening her eyes a lot more now during the day, which probably helps when it comes to sleeping at night!

Sleep is for the weak

Another sleepless night last night. Starting to feel the effects of not sleeping properly, although I seem to remember it being worse with Nicky - maybe I'm used to not sleeping now? I'm writing this whilst waiting at the dentist, running late again. I'm hoping that this will be my last visit regarding my root canal, but I'm not hopeful. Once this is done I'll need a filling on the other side of my mouth as well. We registered Kitty's birth this morning so she officially exists now! Seems daft that they can't do it at the hospital but it was fairly quick and painless. I've stopped using Swype on my phone - when it works it's quicker than entering words letter by letter, but it was getting too many simple words wrong, so I've switched to SwiftKey, which tries to predict the next word, with some degree of success. This entry was written using SwiftKey and didn't take too long!